Shaadmaani In Shaadi
Tips For A Happy Married
Early Morning :
Wake up with a smile, looking at your wife.
Wish her A Good Morning or a Day.
Begin the day with good greeting and full of smiles.
Beautiful Reception :
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:
Begin with a good greeting.
Start with your usual Greeting and a smile.
Shake her hand and leave bad news, if any, for later!
Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations :
Choose and speak words that are positive, avoiding negative ones.
Give her your attention when you speak to her or she speaks to you.
Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands
Do not hurry and do not allow disgust flow in your words
Call her with the nicest of names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, dear, my soul etc. There are plenty. Try to use them.
Friendliness and Recreation :
Spend time talking together.
Convey to her all goods news known to you
Remember your good reminiscences together.
Smile at your memoirs while she blushes
Avoid Sarcasms, Never scorn
Games and Distractions :
Joke around & have a sense of humor.
Play and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
Take her to watch permissible types of entertainment
Avoid prohibited things in your choices of entertainment, maintaining your dignity and respect in her sight
Assistance in the Household :
Do whatever you could as an individual to help her, especially if she is sick or tired.
The most important thing is making it obvious to her that you appreciate her hard work.
Prepare a cup of tea or coffee or milk, for her when she is sick or tired.
Sit together while drinking the cup of tea, looking at her.
Look in her eyes the appreciation and love she expresses, that time
Specifically in family matters, do not neglect her.
Give her the feeling that her opinion is important to you
Make her feel dignified and respected by you
Do not reject her opinion right away.
Study her opinion carefully
Be willing to change your opinion for hers if it is better.
Thank and encourage her for helping you with her opinions
Visiting Others :
Choose good people to build relationship/friendship with There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people.
Pay attention to own behavior and manners during visits
Do not force her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with
Allow her to visit her parents/siblings/relatives and also friends
Allow her to attend Marriage functions, Wedding Parties, Matrimonial Matters
Conduct During Travel :
Offer a warm farewell and good advice
Ask her to pray for you
Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence
Give her enough money for whatever she might need
Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc
Take her with you to any marriage function and/or wedding parties you are attending
Returning as soon as possible :
Bring her a gift! At least some sweets and/or Flowers
Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night
Tell her that you were not happy to depart from her
Financial Support :
You need to be generous within your financial capabilities
You should not be a miser with your money
Reckless spending is not generosity but extravagance and wastefulness
You will get back the love for what you spend on her sustenance
Even for a small piece of bread that you feed her by your hand
Feel her needs and make it a habit to give her before she asks you of anything
Smelling Good and Physical Beautification :
Practice hygiene removing your hair from the groin and underarms
Always be clean and neat.
Dress yourself up with available fine cloths
Avoid being with bare body, without a compelling need
Smell good. Put on perfume for her
Help her in ironing your cloths and hers too
Wear dresses neatly ironed by her with thanks to her
It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
Enter into her through the proper place only
Begin with foreplay including words of love
Continue until you have satisfied her desire
Relax and joke around afterwards
Avoid coitus during the monthly period because it hurts her and unhygienic
Do not try to damage her level of shyness and modesty (hayaa), such as compelling her to undress first, while you are looking at. To balance the shyness, undress together
Avoid positions that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.
Choose suitable times and days for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she may be sick or exhausted
Golden Principle :
Never quarrel on the bed. All insults and injuries caused to the relationship during the day time must be medicated and healed on the bed.
Keep in mind that insults and injuries inflicted upon to the feelings on the bed could not be cured anywhere else.
Guarding Privacy :
Avoid disclosing her private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters to anyone else.
Do not insult her before anyone and behind her
In case of need consult with appropriate Doctor and help her to understand the gravity of the situation
Aiding in the Religious Matters :
Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray if you find her more pious
Teach her what you know of the good religions
Supply her with good books and magazines
Encourage her to spend money in charity
Take her to religious places when you can afford to do so
Showing Respect for her Family and Friends :
Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
Invite them to visit her and welcome them
Give them presents on special occasions
Help them physically and also when needed with money, efforts, etc
Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first
Keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family
Education & Training. This includes :
The basics of peace & humanity
Her civic duties and rights
Reading and writing
Encouraging her to attend lessons and group discussions
Religious good practices related to women
Buying knowledgeable books and tapes for the home library
Admirable Jealousy :
Ensure she is wearing neat and clean dress without revealing, before leaving house.
Allow freedom of speech and advise her not to infringe on others' rights and freedom, while doing so
Avoid excess jealousy :
Avoid excess jealousy, which could damage the relationship. Examples of jealousy are :
Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
Assuming things which are actually not meant
Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just
Preventing her from answering the phone
Having doubts on her without proper reasons
Patience, Leniency, and Gentleness :
Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown occurs.
Anger should be controlled when she exceeds the boundaries of decency, backbiting, watching scenes and her favorite serials on TV, etc.
Make her realize politely the impact of time lost and monetary loss.
Forgive the mistakes she does to you
Correcting her Mistakes :
First implicit and then explicit advice several times is required
Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).
Never beat her or slap her for any mistakes
Pinpoint to her that you are missing her when she remains out of home for long periods of time without permission or refusing to tell where she had been.
Consult with her family elders in such cases, before taking any action. It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her first.
Avoid shaming her such as by hitting her physically or hurting her feelings with abuses.
Pardoning and Appropriate Censure :
Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
Forgive mistakes done to you, frequently.
Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake
Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as may be she is
tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to religious and social cause is growing
Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food. If you like the food eat and if you do not like, then don't eat and do not comment, sarcastically.
Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings
When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others
Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words
Then Your Marriage would be successful, Your wedding would be purposeful.
Then, there you are !! With full of Bliss and Shaadmaani (Extreme Happiness) In Your Shaadi.
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